We know very well that in such a deeply creative line of work, every area of life needs looking after. No exceptions! And just as we buy the right chair for our body's comfort and install the KIS List app to speed up our work, we need to look after our mental wellbeing just as much.
That's why the second edition of KIS Masters was guided by the idea of building healthy boundaries and sharing our experiences in this area. Want to know how it went? Read on!
This year we invited our KIS-ers to the beautiful spaces of the BLU Design Lab showroom in Warsaw's Praga district. Surrounded by inspiring displays, we talked about putting things in order, both in interiors and in relationships - all thanks to our guest, Kinga Wiktoria Leszkowicz, who has been supporting women on their path to independence for 10 years. The Akademia Przedsiębiorczych Kobiet (Academy of Entrepreneurial Women) she founded is a space where professional fulfilment goes hand in hand with family life and time for yourself. Just like here at KIS List.
Kinga's lecture "Boundaries that build" turned out to be spot on. Whispers of "oh wow, that's exactly what happens to me" kept going around the room and, to be honest, that doesn't surprise us at all. We suspect that everyone who has stepped into the world of architecture has come across the situations our guest discussed at least once. To get a better feel for what we mean, we invite you to get comfortable, close your eyes and…
A bit of psychology, or drama on site
It usually starts with a slight discomfort. Just an innocent hunch, so hard to pin down that you don't dwell on it for long. As the collaboration goes on, the feeling grows. You get the impression that what's expected of you goes beyond the agreed scope, and your list of responsibilities is quietly and uncontrollably growing day by day.
But you say nothing. Firstly, you feel awkward pointing it out and coming across as someone who isn't committed to the project, and secondly - surely those twenty extra minutes on the project, or at a meeting with the contractor, won't kill you. You turn a blind eye to the signals your body is sending you and, "for the good of the project", agree to extra favours and concessions.
How did it come to this? No idea.
All of this (at least at first) is done with kid gloves, but at some point both your body and your mind start to rebel. You feel more and more strongly that it's unfair and that your kindness is being taken advantage of. The thin boundaries set at the start of the collaboration are regularly crossed, and your patience is running out. You feel you're about to explode, and time and again you ask yourself: how did it come to this?
And a second, more important question: how many times has this happened now…?
In the Triangle
The key to understanding the situation described above is the Drama Triangle. If you've heard the term before, you probably already know what it's about. If not - we wholeheartedly encourage you to take a closer look at the concept developed in the 1960s by Stephen Karpman, the well-known American psychiatrist and psychotherapist.
His model describes human interactions as a game with three basic roles: the Victim, the Persecutor and the Rescuer, which we slip into in all kinds of relationships. We can easily apply them to practically every area of our lives; including work, as Kinga showed us.
If Shakespeare were alive, he'd write about designers
Let's imagine a situation where these three meet: an introverted, detail-focused designer, an extrovert client who wants everything right now, and a contractor with five jobs on at once, forever short of time…
Just another day, right? And at the same time, the script for a bloody Shakespearean drama full of intrigue, passing the buck, playing for sympathy and constant overstepping.
Drama on site
Kinga explained the dynamics of this set-up in detail, shaped as it is by many factors; from sources of pressure (such as time and money), through each participant's natural predispositions, to personal likes and dislikes. During the lecture we learned how to defuse conflicts and deal with circumstances that disturb our comfort. It turned out that there's always something we can do to protect our boundaries and come out of the situation without losing face.
After the lecture we all breathed a sigh of relief. Literally, you could hear the weight lifting off everyone's shoulders in the room;). It turned out that getting entangled in unwanted obligations is something both beginner and experienced interior architects go through. After all, our profession is 50% design, and the other 50% interactions with clients, contractors, manufacturers and suppliers…If we didn't get assertiveness and the strength of a battering ram in our "starter pack", that second part of the profession can quickly lead to burnout.
KIS Masters - meetups for knowledge and fun
At KIS Masters meetups we don't just discuss topics close to every interior architect's heart; above all, we create a space for sharing experiences that we ourselves had been missing - relaxed, understanding and full of humour. Once again we saw how much we all need it.
As organisers, that's what makes us happiest, and once again we thank everyone who made this evening so magical: our Participants for being there and creating a unique atmosphere, Kinga Wiktoria Leszkowicz for a great lecture, and our host, BLU Design Lab.
PS. We can tell you from behind the scenes that the meetup was planned to end at midnight, yet the last guests left just before two in the morning, and we still didn't manage to catch up with everyone. That's how it is when people who love what they do get together, which is why we're already planning the next meetup to satisfy that appetite for more.
